Monday, June 20, 2011

The Good the Bad and the Ugly

I have now had my colonoscopy (not a pleasant experience I tell you) and went back to the Doctor to get the results, not really knowing what to expect so was very apprehensive. Was he going to tell me the Tumor was still growing and needs to be removed or was everything just Ok and life goes on??? He sat me down in his nice big office and put his glasses on and proceeded to review my results. It felt like 1/2 an hour had passed but in reality was most probably 1 to 2 minutes. He then looked up at me and said quote “I could not find the Tumor". My first thought was he a doctor or a quack, why couldn't he find it? I made out I didn't hear him and asked him to repeat himself. He then proceeded to tell me he could see where it was but now gone. Just some scaring which he took samples of and came back with no problems. How Good is that!!!! I was facing an operation to remove the tumor which would have had me on my back for 6 weeks and a colostomy bag for at least 3 months. So at this stage this will not be the case. That’s the good news.
The Bad & Ugly is this will not make any difference to my ultimate life expectancy. I still have the liver to contend with which what has control of my life span. Now 4 weeks off from Chemo whilst we have got the good news means now I am 4 weeks behind the battle with my liver. The Cancer has had a chance to regroup and build up some strength. I am meeting with my Oncology Doctor next Monday and discuss next steps and I will raise the option of going back onto full chemo treatment rather than the maintenance treatment which has not been successful in reducing the cancer in my liver. I am over the side effect now which is the reason why they changed my treatment in the first place. Yes it will be tough, but no glory sitting on the bench watching the team get beaten, (old football term). So maybe I might be jumping back onto the rollercoaster, which I don’t mind as I cannot sit here "Stable" and watch my life go by without doing everything possible to beat this. It is really hard when you don't know how long you have and what to do in this time. I now just take every day as it comes and enjoy the time with my fantastic family. Every time I see little Sammy smile and laugh makes it all worthwhile fighting the fight. This is the one thing this dreaded disease has done for me. Enjoy life and not worry about the small things. Remember this everyone, and not wait until something like this happens to wake us up.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

First step backwards

I went for chemo today and the Oncology Doctor would not let me have the treatment. This is the first time I have not been able to be treated. This is an emotional step backwards for me as I feel it is the first sign of my acceptance that I am not going as well as think. I now have to have another colonoscopy before they will allow me to have chemo again if they find no issues. If there is a problem it may mean surgery to remove the tumor. The complication is my liver is riddled with cancer and to stop chemo may mean growth of the cancer which I have worked so hard to bring under control.
I still have a positive frame of mind, but finding it hard to maintain. I will keep fighting on and realize it will only get harder from now on.